Saying Farewell

I have decided to say farewell to my blog premium channel for the present moment. is now

It will be interesting to see if my articles will transfer to the new “free” domain.

I have enjoyed writing and listening to the comments from my followers. Thank you for the encouragements. I hope to continue to hear from you in the future my email address is, send me a post.


Season’s Greetings 2018

Jesus is the reason for the Season!   The boys are excited that Christmas is coming in 12 days.  They prepared their ‘Dear Santa’ letter and mailed it each asking for something Santa had in mind all along.  They went shopping at their schools’ shopping fair.  Have attended parties and festivities with joy.  Nate age 9yrs learned that the Santa at the events were actually grandpa dressed up as Santa. Grandpa explained that he was really good friends with Santa and that the real Santa has so much to do that he asked grandpa to help share the joy of Christmas and the spirit of giving to others; that story satisfied him. Zack had stopped believing in Santa two years ago at age 6 yrs, of course, he accepts the generosity of spirit is real and once upon a time long ago there was an actual man named Saint Nicholas who gave gifts that he made to children all around him to remind them of the gift from GOD above. 

I have switched focus on my educational pursuits from being a Master SPED Diagnostician to becoming a Master Professional Educator with Writing and Literacy emphasis.  I am finally following my heart’s desire to write and to teach the joy of writing to others.  Dr. Edythe Leupp was correct in telling me that I needed to get back into a classroom, teaching the love of writing to others.

False Memories & PTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Syndrom can attack a person’s mind without warning. High-stress jobs, childhood trauma, or traumatic injury can all lead to PTSD.  I want to talk a little about false memories.  I suffered from PTSD as a  high functioning schizophrenic and bipolar disorders person in my early 30’s. I also had dissociative identity disorder.  As part of my delusions, I had moments where I had thought something was true and could logically explain it or justify my stinking thinking with almost scientific clarity.

On one particular occasion, I had convinced myself that my father had actually murdered someone and disposed of the body in the quicksand bogs of an area river/lake backwater area in Oklahoma.  It took a lot of counseling to convince me that it was a false memory projected by my fathers’ behavior towards my mother.  You see, my father took me to an area where quicksand was available, only I didn’t know it. We were walking a trail over the river banks and I took a misstep and was in quicksand.  It wasn’t very wide of a section on the surface. I couldn’t lift myself out and got to my knee/thigh area before my father finally gave the gun butt of the rifle to pull me out of it.  I was justifiably scared for a few moments. A while later my father took me back to the same location where I had stepped off and there was a deep chasm in the ground that was hollowed out and a deer skeleton was in the bottom. He told me that if I didn’t tow the line that could be my mom there instead. True story.

False memories usually have a small basis in fact. As recently, evidenced in the political arena of Dr. Ford and Judge Kavanaugh.  I have no dought that Dr. Ford experienced some type of trauma at some point in her life. She is suffering from PTSD in my opinion and perhaps false memories.  Some things occurred and her mind tried to make sense of it.  It put two and two together and it made sense to her, and she kept remembering more and more details that were available in her subconsciousness until she felt she figured it out.  The only problem with false memories is they can’t hold up under intense scrutiny.  (I am not a political person, I am using them as an example of what can occur not as a factor or supposition of events).

Another incident from my mind was about my son-in-law Wayne (he’s dead now). But when he married my daughter at her age of 19 yrs and he was 59 yrs old.  I had an awful dream about him. And I recalled it and kept re-dreaming the scenario. I then began thinking about it during waking moments, and pieces started falling into place in my mind. Within a few weeks, my behavior changed towards him, I was suspicious of his motives and convinced her was mistreating my daughter.  It took a lot of talk-therapy to convince me that it was false dreams based upon my anxiety of my daughters’ marriage. I felt out-of-control.  I took real memories and twisted them in my mind like a sinister plot.  If anyone had taken me seriously I would have destroyed his teaching career and possibly life. Luckily, I was in deep psychiatric almost daily couseling with a trained therapist who recognized what was happening.  I could be quiet persuasive in my mindset of righteous indignation. I don’t remember if I told my daughter about my suspicions and theories, but I do remember getting to the truth and being set free of the stinking thinking towards him. My fears and false memories could not stand up to empirical evidence.  All I’m saying is that false-memories are real to the person experiencing them.  They could pass a polygraph test because in their mind the incidents make sense and therefore are true.

If you are suffering. There is help available without stigma. Just reach out to your local health department or  2-1-1 operator and tell them you need to see a psychiatrist and/or psychologist. Counseling can be very expensive if you don’t have medical insurance or sometimes even with it, but there are places that offer cash discounts or sliding-scale fees. I do not have a list but you could check with religious affiliates like Catholic Charities for assistance. If you are enduring PTSD and False Memories, remember it is not your fault. You didn’t ask for this to happen to you- it just did. But you have to take responsibility for getting well and asking for help, you can’t do it alone.

If your reading this blog and feel hopeless, helpless, unworthy of help, or any negative feelings of diminished capacity then reach out to someone, even if it is going voluntarily to a psych ward of the hospital (go through Emergency Room) for a few days or calling 9-1-1 to get help, don’t suffer in silence or kill yourself.  Depression and PTSD often go hand-in-hand and are untreated or undertreated a professional can help you.


The following can be viewed at

PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
Estimates suggest that up to 70 percent of American adults have experienced at least one significant trauma during their lifetimes. Many of those people may subsequently have suffered from an emotional reaction known as posttraumatic stress disorder or PTSD. Further estimates suggest that 5 percent of the population currently lives with PTSD.

What Is PTSD?
Posttraumatic stress disorder occurs in some cases when people are exposed to a very stressful event, which is known as an extreme stress trigger. To be diagnosed with PTSD, they must continue to experience symptoms of PTSD for at least one month after exposure to this trigger.

Who Experiences PTSD?
Although women are twice as likely as men to develop PTSD, anyone who experiences an extremely traumatic event may develop a post-traumatic stress disorder. Examples of extreme stress triggers include:

Criminal assault or rape
Natural disasters
Serious accidents
Combat exposure
Child physical or sexual abuse or severe neglect
Witnessing traumatic events
Imprisonment/hostage/displacement as refugees
The sudden unexpected death of loved ones
Although other types of stress may be severe and can be quite upsetting, they typically do not result in PTSD. Such events might include the death of an elderly parent, divorce, or job loss.

What Are the Symptoms of PTSD?
People living with PTSD typically experience three main types of symptoms. First, they may re-experience the traumatic event that led to developing PTSD. This can include:

Flashbacks in which they feel that the triggering event is recurring even while they are awake
Distressing recollections of the traumatic event
Nightmares of the event
Exaggerated physical and emotional reactions to triggers that remind them of the event
The second type of symptom involves emotional numbing or even avoidance. It may include the following symptoms or behaviors:

Avoidance of places, thoughts, activities, conversations, and feelings related to the event or trauma
Feelings of detachment
Loss of interest
Restricted emotions
The third symptom type relates to increased arousal related to the event and may be indicated by:

Outbursts of anger
Difficulty sleeping
Difficulty concentrating
Exaggerated startle responses

Are you Aquaphobic? Me, too!

Aquaphobia, the fear of deep water or turbidity waters.  My aquaphobia is related to Oceans, Lakes & Waterslide parks which covers just about every nature scene to be had. My phobia is debilitating or should I say needed accommodations are in order.  Recently, I took my mom and sister to Galveston Bay, Texas. I was extremely terrified of the choppy bay/ocean water.

My mom and sister enjoyed a 2 miles hike down the sand by the water’s edge while I stayed safely on the west seawall parameter, well above sea-level and about 50′ from the edge of the water.   I would have loved to have gone with them, but my aquaphobia was in full swing.  Since then I have been told that I should have listened to music or meditated or gone to the waters surge line. I’ve also been told that I should buck up and face my fear head-on — what are people thinking?

It is embarrassing to admit to a phobia- an irrational fear of something or sense of dread.  Why go to the ocean if you’re not planning on going in you may ask? My mom has been close to Galveston, TX but never there and she wanted to experience it first hand. I figured I could suck it up for three days and have fun– and I did at what I thought was a safe distance.  I have been on the shores of Padre Island and was perfectly safe until Hurrican Hugo sent us packing our tent and hastily leaving the island in the middle of the night.  By the time the park ranger came to tell us to go water was surging and covering the roadway to the mainland. Result in fear of the ocean.

When I was a small child, I was at a red dirt bottom lake that had turbid water. I tried to get out to where my mom was at and fell into a depression that was over my head and swallowed lots of water and coughing the resulting in fear of Lakes.

Fear of waterslides is a new phobia garnered by too many people in the waterpark using the slides at one time, thus bumping into or dragging one beneath the water level.  This being dragged under also happened as a child. Swimming pools also fall into this category although you can see the bottom if it is over 4 feet I won’t go in the deep end, and I won’t go in without a family or friend tagging alongside me.  I took Beginning Swimming two semesters in a row at college; the first semester I was on anxiety medications and in talk therapy about my fear of deep water.

Taking showers, getting into the hot-tub/jacuzzi or bathtub is no problem for me even though I have had slips in them, too.

While on Galveston Bay Island we did activities that did not require me to face my fear head-on every day. I enjoyed looking at the ocean water from my distant perch, seeing the fish soar through the air as they sailed into the waves, and wonder why the seagulls didn’t have them for dinner when they were apparently seeking food.

Today, my grandson wanted to swim in the lake. I let my husband take him while I stayed safely ashore and revel in his success at swimming across the small lake.  I didn’t tell my grandson that I was afraid because I don’t want him to become fearful of lakes, too.

My plan of action is to take small steps in acclimating to water features. We have a 1′ to 4′ deep community pool, and I am pleased to say I am now comfortable to be in it.  I played with the kids in the shallow end and worked my way deeper till I was able to swim in the four feet center of the pool. I have found being distracted by talking about anything other than swimming has made this accommodation possible.  Visualizing me being safe in the water and meditation has undoubtedly helped and listening to music doesn’t hurt.

Do you have a phobia, write about it in comments?





Recent Events May 2018

I started a new career path today, branching off my teaching career. It will be an interesting job helping children 5-18 years old learn new coping skills for behavior management and consequently teaching their parent(s) how to recognize and respond appropriately to triggers.  I will be doing a lot of homework until I have a clearer understanding of negative behavior causes and ways to implement positive changes.

Galveston Bay, Texas waving bye-bye to an awesome tourist town.  Alabama, Oklahoma, and Texan all come together as my Sister, Mom, and I spent three glorious days walking surf side, going on a historical tour, and maxing out on the fun at Buster’s Old Tyme Photo Studio. The studio is a must-do for any tourist. You get to pick genres of time periods then dress up in that era. We chose the Victorian era and the Pirate era. Courtney was our photographer and guide highlighting the spirit of the time with teacups, books, fans, flowers, and hoop skirts the Ladies of Leisure emerge on a cool Victorian day enjoying high tea. Then hang onto your cap matie as the pirates try to steal the valuable treasure from the scallawag first shipmate.  Or in real 1920’s regalia with Tommy guns and stolen loot or dancing the night away, you’ll be a classy dame. Don’t miss the horse/buggy ride and ice cream parlor around the corner.

Note: shellfish allergy sufferers Beeno’s Fish restaurant does not separate their oils. They cooked my fish in with someone else’s shellfish and I was seeking emergency medical care not a fun cavetto my vacation. At any seafood restaurant ask the cook before placing your order how the food is prepared so you have a choice as of where to eat.  The food was fresh and good at Beeno’s and is not a tourist trap; lots of locals eat there and the staff is friendly, my companions and I enjoyed themselves until my allergy enacted.


Two Chin Man

When I was six, we went to visit Aunt Hazel in Anniston, Alabama. Her daughter Martha Louise had just married a Child Psychiatrist and the groom wanted to evaluate all of us children. My brother went in first and came back out and said that the doctor had double chins. My sister went in and also came back telling me that the doctor had two chins. Curious as I was, I began to ask questions. Does the doctor have two mouths? Does the doctor have two noes above the two chins or are they side by side? How does he eat with two chins? Does it hurt to have two chins? My brother and sister kept answering my questions until finally, it was my turn to see the doctor.

I went in and was told to sit in this huge leather chair.  I was fixated on looking at the doctor for his two chins. To my disappointment, I didn’t see two chins, or a double chin, or two mouths. I squint my eyes and tried to see if I had missed something that would let me see his two chins.

But, he only had one nose and this huge hole in his chin that looked like an actor Kirk Douglas on T.V. I don’t remember any questions the doctor asked me, he had me draw some pictures and color the pre-drawn picture which was a little fun. When I went back to my sister and brother, I replied with chagrin, “you guys are crazy, the doctor doesn’t have two chins!” They broke out into hysterical laughter.

Kat Challis


The joy of being a dog owner

I have been blessed with fur-babies, each one bring a unique character that enamours them into my heart. She had a special pup named  Brigett who lived a long  life with family.

Angle was our very first dog. She was a chocolot labrador retriever full blooded… She was very gentle with the children and lived with us for 13 years before being consumed with cancer. Ralph Lorne was a fully grown bird dog. He had health issues and lived with us for nine years before he died. He was a gentle giant of a dog, so loving, so caring of me.

Our next dog was a blonde labrador retriever named K’lona. She was hit in the head by winds from a tornado and the kennel wanted to put her down, but we intervened and she was a very special dog indeed. K’lona could sense seizures before they happened and would alert me to the oncoming seizure. She laid in bed comforting my husband while he was on chemo treatment for nine months. She would go into the ot tub with my husband and keep him company. She passed from old age.

Montana was a chocolate labradore retriever who lived with us as an adult with a son named Caleb; a black labradore retreiver. They were found on a lonely stretch in the country, having been dropped by their previous owner. Montana was afraid of cowboy boots and baseball caps on men for a very long time, ’til we desensatized her. Montana was very laid back while here pup was rambuncious. Caleb would play with our Llama’s cria as they grew up. Montana passed from old age and Caleb died of a broken heart.

Porthos was a transition dog a Beagle. This poor dog was displaced with us in a hotel for five weeks being kept in a crate while I was gone meeting contractors. He would not acclimate to our home so we had to find another loving environment with an elderly lady who had time on her hands to care and walk him daily.

Macie a chocolate labrador retriever is our current furbaby. She is 14 years old, we got her five years ago. She is such a sweet heart, stays by my side constantly, she has spirit enough to take unauthorized neighborhood walks- the neighbors will bring her home since she is mostly blind and hard of hearing and has arthritis. We will let her live her natural life out with us.

Bot a black labradore retriever graced our life for about two years. He was so hyper active. I kept scratches on my arms, and stomach where he would pin me down in his zealousness to be loved. We had rescued him from the ASPCA, he was emanciated- his ribs and pelvic were skin over bones. He was so grateful to be rescued- we restored his good health. He left our family four months ago to live with a family in the country. I miss him terribly, but know that he is happy and being loved on with his new family. Every once in a while I will cry from missing him my only solace is that he is happy.

Summer is the latest addition to our family she is a hybred  dog 1/2 Beagle and 1/2 Bassett Hound called a Bagle. She is Zackary’s dog but, we babysit her during the week while Zackary is at school. She is all puppy, very mischeivous and barks allot at Macie. She demands attention from Macie but Macie doesn’t give in to her demands. It is all a process of learning. She enjoys playing fetch with me and stays by my side during her non-Zack time.

Kat Challis (C)2018, April 30,


Vandalism hits hard

The thieves did their best to destroy my car moulding and gain access into my locked car on Nov. 27th, 2017.  Their cowardly behaviour costs over $500.00 to repair, of which I don’t have. Insurance deductible is higher than that so everybit of the repairs will have to come out of my pocket.  We will have a much smaller Christmas budget this year.


Princess Bella

What a joy to have beautiful and kind granddaughters; Bella, Michelle, and Elaine.

Bella had an extended family Birthday Breakfast this morning, She really enjoyed pulling her gifts out of her bag.  She is quite the little Princess at two years old.  She loves to eat pancakes for breakfast and have apple juice.

Cousins w/aunt, grandma, & grandpa, sisters and mommy and daddy were all guests of her royal highness. She entertained us all with her enthusiasm and sweet smiles of happiness.




Adventures of RJ

Adventures of  R.J. the Llama

Chapter One

p.1 One Sunday morning RJ the Llama and his wife Patches were grazing in the pasture when they heard a truck drive over the cattle guard at the gate and stop.

[Pict:  truck and country road scene]

p.2  RJ decides he had better go have a look at the new arrivals.

[Pict:  A woman who was short and plump with flaming red hair and bright green eyes and doe white skin walked toward the fence.]

p.4  A woman strolled up to the fence. She had a quiet calm and smiling kindly face and soft voice.

p.4   She said, “Hello” as all humans do.  She had a big man with her that was known as    Farmer Bob.

[Pict: Farmer Bob in overalls leaning back on his pickup truck.]

p.5 Farmer Bob is a Native American Choctaw he looked  strong  as he stood back aways and just listened to the conversation between  RJ the Llama and his wife.

[Picture : RJ at fence and wife]

p.6 “Hello, my name is Mrs. Kathy,  she said to RJ the Llama

“Well hello  Mrs. Kathy my name is RJ and this is Patches my wife.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, this is my husband Farmer Bob,” replied Mrs. Kathy.

[Picture: RJ and Patches and farmer’s wife.]

p.7   “Come closer so I can smell you and see that you are not afraid of me”, said RJ.

  1. 8 “My! You are very tall and muscular; but no I am not afraid  you look so soft and huggable. May I pet you now?”

[pict: RJ and Mrs. Kathy.]

  1. 9“Yes please, I love being stroked along my back, but not too much toward my tail. Awhhh! That feels so good, thank you,” said RJ.
  2. 10 Running her hand out across RJ’s face she is surprised when he takes her index finger into his powerful mouth and gently tugs on it. He could have crushed or cut her finger with his fighting teeth, but he was just playing around to see her reaction. Then he gave Mrs. Kathy. a kiss on the cheek.

[Pict: RJ kissing Mrs. Kathy.]

  1. 11 She laughed and said, “RJ you certainly are a joy of a Llama, would you like to come home with me? I have a nice acre of land for you to graze upon. It is on the edge of the big city with lots of people, horses, dogs and cats to visit with. “

[Pict: farm animals behind fences and barn scene]

  1. 12 RJ the Llama said, “I would like that very much if my wife Patches can come with me.”

[Pict RJ and Patches and Mrs. Kathy.]

  1. 13 “Of course, I wouldn’t think of taking just one of you,” said Mrs. Kathy.

[Pict: RJ and Patches very happy]

P14. By this time the man Farmer Bob comes up and joins in the conversation. “Honey” she say’s sweetly “can we take RJ and Patches home with us to be our pets?”

[Pict: Farmer Bob and Mrs. Kathy. talking]

P15. Farmer Bob looks to his wife with amusement and asks already knowing the answer, “are you serious?” You don’t know a thing about raising Llamas.”

[No pict.]

P16. RJ chimed in, “that’s OK my needs are simple, give me a dry place to sleep, food and fresh water and visit me often.  Also, as special treat for me to eat, I love carrots and llama-cookies.”

P 17 “That settles it,” said Farmer Bob, “RJ and Patches are welcome to live on our farm.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Kathy said.

[Pict.   Beaming  with joy  Mrs. Kathy. gives Farmer Bob a big hug and kiss]

End chapter one


P18: Chapter Two:

The Llama Dome

Picture: The Llama dome is a sturdy built open sided structure, perfect for keeping dry under the downpours of Mother Nature.

  1. 18. Today the workmen crew arrives in the paddock*, they are going to build us a home.

Steel poles are put into the ground then they are connected together creating a tall roof

In an upside down V-shape, the side walls are open so that air can move around easily.

*A paddock is a small field near a house or stable with grazing for Llama’s.

P 19 One thing about living in a paddock is that there are field mice and rabbits that love to eat grains.

So we have to make sure that the Llama Feed is kept clean and dry, so  Picture & Dialogue: A chest freezer is brought in to store the dry llama feed pellets and treats.

A long rectangle shaped shallower trough is brought in to hold the alfalfa hay for eating.

  1. 20 Llamas need plenty of water to drink and to climb into to cool them off. They don’t have sweat glands and their fur is very thick, underneath their belly the hair is shorter than that on their back and sides and will absorb the water easier and the water will help keep them cool. Picture: A large water trough is set in place and filled with fresh water.  (Show pict of guard hair and soft underbelly fur)

p 21 Straw is placed upon the ground. It will provide a soft place for the Llamas to go to sleep. Taking a nap is fun for the Llamas, they just bend their front knees and down they go. They actually lay on their haunches which allow 2-3” of air to circulate underneath their body, thus cooling them down.

Define: (haunch is the hipbone and shoulder bone of the Llama)

P 22 Muck is Yuck!  The Llama’s use the bathroom anywhere they want in the paddock. Sometimes, they go on their straw, so Farmer Bob and Mrs. Kathy have to clean out the straw called mucking. They use a wide snow shovel and wheel barrow to pick up the poop. Next they take the straw and poop to the compost pile for recycling as it is very rich in nutrients and makes good soil amendments.

raw.   We are all set for RJ and Patches to come home.

End Chapter Two.

patches april2

P23 Chapter  Three:

Meeting the Family

p 23 Llamas are social animals and live in herds so they fit in real well with a pack of dogs.

Dialogue between the animals

Pict. Three Labrador Retrievers greet RJ and Patches in their barking way.

P 24 Kalona said, “Welcome friend, have you come to visit us today?”

Patches said, “Yes, but we are going to live here, too.”

“Oh you’re the Llama’s that Farmer Bob told us about,” said Montana.

P 25 Caleb:  We’ve never seen Llamas before, are you related to donkeys?

RJ:  No we’re related to the camel family.

Patches:  But, we don’t have hump backs like camel’s do. Our backs are straight and level like a donkeys.  It allows us to carry packs better, when we help our people with their chores.

  1. 26 Picture: thought bubble above Caleb’s head with an image of a donkey.

Thought bubble above Montana’s head with a hump camel image.

The  LLAMA image.

“We are glad that you have joined our family,” said Kalona.

Thank you, replied Patches and RJ. And soon we will have a baby called a cria to join our family.

END Chapter

kelona0 K’lona   montana caleb07

Chapter 4:

Patches has her cria

“Hello Patches, I see you have had your cria (pronounced cree-ah), ”said Kalona,” he is as large as I am.”

“Yes, our crias must be large and able to move with the herd in one hour after birth,” replied Patches.

“He sure is a beautiful red Llama!” reflected Montana.

Caleb stood with R.J. and listen to the women making a fuss over the cria.

Farmer Bob & Mrs. Kathy come to visit the new cria, Patches and RJ, he sure is a beautiful boy have you thought of a name yet?

“Yes! His name shall be Allen, after my grandfather,” replied R.J.

“That is a fine name,” said Farmer Bob.

“He will make a wonderful addition to our family,” exclaimed Mrs. Kathy.

END Chapter



40th Wedding Anniversary

Our girls, Rose and Kassidey hostess a dinner party for their dad and my 40th anniversary. We had twenty-five people in attendance and a great time. Best friends; Sheila & Jason, Jim & Virginia, and mom Patricia all came down from Oklahoma to join the festivities. Sister Gaynell and great nieces Autumn and Makayla came from Alabama for three weeks. Friends Terre Lynn & Rick and Cathy & Wayne and Sarah, were entertaining. Rose’s family Joe, Michelle, Elaine, and Bella had their party shoes on and Kassidey’s family Nathaniel and Zack were ready to do a do-se-do. Nephew Aspen rounded out the party of well wishers. 



Poems 2015

You are my knight in well-tended armor
My protector and friend
You are the love of my life
Loyal and devoted
You are my eternal soulmate
My love has no bounds

If I had but one wish It would be for your
Health, wealth, and happiness
For without good health, wealth, is meaningless
Without wealth, health, is fleeting
True happiness comes from the balance of health and wealth
Kat 03/22/2015



Though the years be many
My love is like a new penny
Luster with a soft hardness
To be shined or placed in a press
And perhaps it’s cherished and kept protected
from all ill wills from the heart
As it ages; it weathers the heat and the cold
like lava and ice carvings
only my soul knows it’s good measure
My love is like a well-worn penny
Content to be what it is.
Kat 3/22/2015


Jesus knows me
He started a revolution
Within my soul
A revival of ancient proportions
As old as the dawn of man
Jesus came to me
In thought,
he spoke to my heart
and my soul listened
He brought alive my renewed mission
Jesus loves me.
Kat 3/22/2015


My Very First blog post

This is my very first post. I hope that you love to read novels, short stories, and poetry blogs. I have a chapter book in writing stages of the novel,  Shining Armor  due out by December 2017. I will be installing excerpts from the book.

Shining Armour is a love story that entreats the audience to ask; will young love ever be enough to sustain these lovers or will their young ages doom them to fail?