Have you ever been so uncertain in your spiritual life that you just say to yourself “I don’t know who I am or what I am supposed to do with my life?” Are you at a crossroads?
I grew up in a Baptist church home life. We lived by rules meant to shape us and scare us into heaven. We were all baptized by the time we were twelve; the time of accountability for our sins. As a child of 15 years and a child of 17 years, my soulmate and I stood before God in a desert and proclaimed our love before God and promised to love and cherish each other all the days of our lives. My husband, whom I knew for less than a year in reality and in chronological time one year married before God on August 19, 1977, then legally with our parents as witnesses on Feb. 28, 1978.
Much later, as an adult of 26 years, I enrolled at Bethany Nazarene College bought out by SNU. I wanted to be a preacher, but there was so much animosity with my family about me being a woman preacher. My father thought it was awful to even consider that a woman could preach or hold any leadership roles outside of the nursery. At first, my mom and (step) dad believed that my entering college to get a degree was for furthering my husband’s career.
I was torn. I really thought that God was calling me into his ministry. So I bargained with God. I said, “Lord I know I can’t be a preacher, so I’ll be a teacher instead.” I aced all of the teacher preparation courses, but didn’t do well in the Science area studies I thought my teaching tract was supposed to be on. My mind was shut to religion classes since I knew they wouldn’t be useful as a school teacher. One couldn’t teach or mention God in public schools, or so I was told and believed. I went to my Assembly of God as a participant dedicated to teaching Wednesday elementary students and sporadic Sunday Morning youth services.
The university was hard on me. I thought I had underlying issues with my father. I didn’t know that I had mental illnesses until part-way through. The Telling and betrayal by a friend, that I had mental illnesses. Attending Student Teaching was a living Hell than Heaven in my experience, one of each. I had difficulty finding jobs as a teacher although my teaching classes were straight A’s, I knew my area of study. I could on get a short-term substitute teacher position for twenty-five years working one semester-long assignment until the teacher came back from their illnesses. Occasionally, I was assigned classrooms at the high school level to teach all year, but I didn’t have the credentials to teach as a regular teacher. I was horrible at interviews. I lost any confidence in my ability to even be a teacher. I finally gave up and stopped trying.
I began keeping journals in the 80s and even wrote a 500 pages biography entitled
“The Secret Keeper” (now some other author is using that title). Currently, I have an unpublished manuscript waiting to be processed by any publisher., with the working title “Two Halves of A Soul.” and another entitled “The Poisoned Mind”. Five years ago, it hit me with a ton of bricks to start writing for others in the form of a blog- this one.
2018, I am at a crossroads once again. The option of going back and trying teaching or working for the church. At the prompting of God, I went to the church and told them a little about my spiritual journey. And out of the blue so to speak I said I wanted to build a card ministry and call it, “Loving Embrace Ministry,” ‘where a Card is a Hug from my heart.’ The church agreed and LEM was born and is still active four years later with the help of volunteers.
I went to UTPB and earned my Master of Art Professional Educator (MAPE) degree. You see, my crossroads are not necessarily a bad event. Obeying God in the little things can have big results. I am in the ministry of God. Not as a preacher nor a nursery teacher, but as a founder of a ministry to offer support, compassion, and encouraging love to those in need of illness support, sympathetic loss, or at a crossroads in their life. Loving Embrace Ministry just celebrated its 4th Anniversary on July 28, 2022.
Have you ever been so uncertain in your spiritual life that you just say to yourself “I don’t know who I am or what I am supposed to do with my life?” Are you at a crossroads? My blog is a product from my crossroad and now has almost 1,950 viewers without advertising. Take action when you reach your crossroads in life. Tell someone about it, you never know what may happ
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