My Friend

My dear and faithful friend I have been waiting for you to come along…

I have loved and been loved before, but he love was not strong to weather the storms. I have trusted and been disappointed. Because loyalty was to high a price to command.

I have cried the doubts and worries away. Hoping for the magical moment that would rekindle the flame of love that once was so bright, it filled my very essence.

I lived, I loved, and I died a little each time my love was abandoned, and I was left alone, adrift in this world once again.

Then you came along…

You had lived, loved, and died a little each time your love was abandoned. Set adrift you grew cautious and wary of loves cruel grip.

Then I came along…

When people cruelly say our love won’t last. I can look into their eyes and know in my heart that they are wrong.

I have been waiting for you all my life. It just took awhile for me to get ready, to recognize that you and I are meant to be. We are each other’s soul mate, best friend, lover, and companion for the rest of our lives together. Our love is the true love that we had been waiting all our life to come along.

Kat Challis, 25 April 2002

 

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Prudence wins the game

Have you ever met someone with their eye on your ball? Given an opportunity, they will take your ball away from you and run to their goal. I learned at Southern Nazarene University in Bethany, Oklahoma during a game that people didn’t play by the established rules and cheated in order to win the game and leaving me to look foolish.  But that is a real-life lesson, that people will collaborate with each other to beat their opponent, even, if it is over some trivial matter to them.

Saying, “it’s business- not personal”, or “don’t be so sensitive”, or “it’s a dog eat dog world”, doesn’t excuse poor behavior and the killer instinct that some people have. They think with platitudes they can minimize any heartaches they cause by justifying their own agenda- which is to win. If you sweet and kind-hearted be on the lookout- JAWS is swimming up behind you, because, people covet what they don’t have, and try and take away what you have if you let them.

We have a woman who is an opportunist in our neighborhood. She wants to be the HOA Board of Director’s representative, a position I currently hold.  I had set up Trunk or Treat from people’s homes this year on Halloween night because I will be in the hospital having knee replacement surgery.  This woman has decided to take it upon herself to have a big bash like I hosted last year. Only, she made a private chat room to go into on facebook for like-minded individuals.

I gave her information to assist in her getting supplies ordered and equipment rented. She is trying to circumvent me to contact the community funds manager personally with her ideas. She doesn’t like the idea that everything has to go through me to get approval. That I control the money in what is being spent, where, and why.

The sayings, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer!” is wisdom through the ages. Just be prudent, read between the lines, be aware of your surroundings, and don’t get bogged down in another person’s agenda.

 

 

Poetry

Poetry; an expression of one’s desires, thoughts, and hopes; music to one’s emotions, casting shadows upon the tides, evoking memories of bitter-sweetness, tantalizing the senses in awe.

Poetry; a word…. a phrase… a reflection of one’s inner soul; counting the moments, awaiting the freshness of a child’s’ tender kiss, or the fire of a lover’s embrace, and the joy of co-creation in Gods’ Universe.

Poetry, is the beginning of Dreams and the Idealism of Reality; Poetry is Today!

cc 1/17//1990 Kathy Challis

#poetry

A little effort can mean allot

Tonight, a very nice lady needed an ACC Request for her HOA requirements to get a shed installed on her property. She brought it by to have me check and make sure she had everything needed- she did!  I’m on the HOA Board of Directors. She didn’t have a home computer (gasp!) and was going to have to send the request snail mail (eek!).

Well, I have a scanner and computer and volunteered to scan and send them to her. She was very appreciative of a fifteen-minute process, and I was happy knowing she genuinely needed the assistance in order to get a timely board decision.

In the meanwhile, I got to talk to the neatest, coolest, a lady who shares my faith in the Lord.  It’s refreshing to talk to someone of like-mindedness who is genuine that she really believes what she is telling me about GOD.  She wasn’t trying to score points or have a secret agenda, she just wanted to see if she could pray for healing for my knee replacement surgery on Oct 26th. I welcome all prayers, as I have been told it is a tenacious surgery and pain filled recovery. The good side is once I get through the first two months of rehabilitation I should be able to walk more distances than my current limited walking. The tremendous pain that I endure discourages walking, bending, stooping, etcetera; which in turns makes my legs very weak upon standing and walking. I am hoping for improved quality of life with the surgery- let us hope I am right.

#appreciation #thank you #surgery #Lord

Update:  I had both knees replaced and four and six months respectively I am walking great and feeling like a new person.

 

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love, loves without merit,

trusts without reason,

shares itself wholly.

Unconditional Love, asks for nothing in return

but, is rewarded with another’s love.

Unconditional Love,  tells you that you are unique,

special and loveable.

Unconditional Love,  goes the extra mile to believe,

building one up, instead of

tearing one down.

Unconditional Love, is without worldly rhyme and reason…

it is Unconditional!

cc 10/11/1990 Kathy Challis

#unconditional #love #poetry

 

My LORD

My LORD os a special spirit,

that settles upon me like a dove;

so soft and gentle does he comfort me

in all of my tragedies.

He tells me of all the wonders

he has in store for me to behold.

He tells me of the galaxies the pilgrims

have called their home.

He shows me all his creations,

my eyes light up in wonder and awe.

Now, I look all about me and see with

truth revealing, that man is just a special

part of this place I call home.

And now, I look forwards to my special spirit to guide me in the ways

of righteousness and help steer me from wrong,

So, if you’re ever in need my friend and

you don’t know where you belong…

you can just borrow my special friend, the Spirit

that’s  everlasting; the Lord God almighty

and take him on home.

cc December 15, 1990 Kathy Challis orgional titled, “My Lord” & “Take him on home”

 

Meadow Lark

Trill-et …. Trill-et!

I hear the call of a meadow lark

on the balmy September air.

Trill-et …. Trill-et!

I bent my ear, intently listening

to its trilling tale.

Trill-et …. Trill-et!

And lo to behold,

as the moon glimmered

beyond the trees and the

last rays of light

kissed the sky a solemne

good-night,

The crickets chimed in,

the barn owl screeched

of its wise ole’self, while

the field mice scurried along.

Trill-et …. Trill-et!

And the meadow lark keeps

it’s vigil ’till the light of dawn.

Trill-et …. Trill-et!

cc 1990 Kathy Challis

#poetry #meadowlark #lark #bird

 

 

Happy Jack

Eyes crinkled by laughter;

mouth spreading in a toothless grin;

rounded belly shaking with mirth;

there’s no one quite like Happy Jack!

Humor racing through his imaginative brain;

compassion lacing his words of endearment.

Happy Jack, a face of love

and a heart full of laughter that’s my….

Happy Jack!

Truth, honesty, integrity, a man of honor,

caring, giving, and sincerity.

Husband, dad, friend and many other roles

is my Happy Jack!

cc 04/22/1990 Kathy Challis

Author’s note: This was a birthday gift to honor my dad, although his title was step-dad

he never allowed the step get in the way of loving me.

 

 

Quiet moments

I gaze upon the snow-covered landscape.

Glistening in silvery white in the moon’s waxing glow.

Stillness abounds as I peer through the window.

My warm breath lingers on the panes.

A nighthawk squawks; in the distance a dogs

bark pierces the night resound “gruff!” “gruff!”

the headlights from a passing motorist break the spell.

The gazing has stopped.

cc 12/30/90 Kathy Challis original title, “Feelings”

 

Band of Gold

I hear the sounds of Indian Songs from long ago…

Of tales so real and pain so sweet wrapped tightly in a band of gold.

I remember the days gone past…

Cherished dreams and wonderous hopes wrapped tightly in a band of gold.

And though my dreams shall fade and my hopes be long forgotten. I will always

be reminded of life so painful and love so real wrapped tightly in a band of gold

cc April 10, 1991, by Kathy Challis

 

Depression and Stinking Thinking

This is how it works. You can wake up in a fantastic mood, invite a friend over for coffee and then realize the house is in a bigger mess than you thought. So you shower and dress and begin in earnest cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry. The anxiety mounts, your friend comes over and see’s the condition of you- shaking and stemming and decides to help you get the mess under control. You take little rest breaks as the shaking has worked into a full blown pseudoseizure. Then you getup and work hard again. Your work is caught up and your friend goes home tired and still didn’t get the tea and coffee promised. You feel bad about that. You feel bad that she felt sorry for you enough to help you out. You felt bad when you asked your adult daughter to help you out the day before and she put you in your place- low woman on the totem pole.

So your worn out and decide to lay down and rest for an hour; two go by. The behaviour health nurse calls and you rant to her for about 30 minutes and decided to get out of bed- finally. But the negative talk continues inside your head. So you call your mom and she reaffirms the lack of respect at home life. Feeling worse. So you rant in your personal digital diary for an hour. Stinking thinking sets in. You start thinking about suicide. Oh not recognizable right away- it slithers in like a snake, and coils itself around your brain stem. You think about what your family’s reaction to having to find a maid and childcare would be for that is all you think you are.

So you begin to pray and weep. You are down in the toilet and you have a grandson due home any minute. The depression continues until 40 minutes after he gets home and you have to go get your other grandson from school. Praying constantly, LORD don’t allow me to have a seizure or get into an accident while the boys are in the car with me.  Their chatter actually helps you snap out of the depression, as you try to pay attention to the road construction and run two errands while you are out.

When daughter gets home late after a meeting at work, you ask he to take the trash out and she say’s NO! But said she will take the dumpsters out in the morning- we’ll see. I asked her if she noticed the clean house, she replies “yes, you got motivated.”  I prepare myself some dinner, she doesn’t want what I am going to serve so she heats up something for herself and the boys- that’s fine by me.

The stinking thinking starts to rear its ugly head once again- and you rebuke it in the name of GOD. Today, I got lucky and was able to write and pray through the issues.  Tomorrow is a new day, I pray it’s not like today. I have made up my mind to ask my neuropsychologist for Lexapro and anti-anxiety medication. I will explain what I just wrote and tell him that waiting for a new psychiatrist is tenacious at best and puts me at greater risk. If I can scale back the anxiety, perhaps the depression will go away and the pseudoseizures will too.

My blog friends, if you have stinking thinking going on inside your head, speak to someone who has common sense or seek medical attention. I thought about going to the hospital today, but I had the boys to take care of. People think pseudoseizures are non-damaging and attention seeking. They are wrong! You may not burn up brain cells, but you do burn up self-confidence and assurance that you are in control of your body at all times. And the depression never fully goes away- it’ s simmering on the cooktop waiting for a trigger.

 

 

 

 

 

Princess Bella

What a joy to have beautiful and kind granddaughters; Bella, Michelle, and Elaine.

Bella had an extended family Birthday Breakfast this morning, She really enjoyed pulling her gifts out of her bag.  She is quite the little Princess at two years old.  She loves to eat pancakes for breakfast and have apple juice.

Cousins w/aunt, grandma, & grandpa, sisters and mommy and daddy were all guests of her royal highness. She entertained us all with her enthusiasm and sweet smiles of happiness.

 

 

 

The old meets the new learning styles

Teaching my great nieces (9y & 16y) remotely with the cell phone and laptop can be quite a challenge for anyone. Have you read the USA President’s Handbook for Health, Fitness, and Nutrition lately? (not exact title but should be)  Talk about a mind blower. It is lengthy and has many links to it for further research. My niece Makayla was telling me about how much she could walk at a time, which was wildly exaggerated or she is a gifted athlete but balked at the idea that she had to do a timed run of one mile, for her pre-test.

Well, she lives in the mountains up a steep grade 1/4 miles from the main road. I was doing the calculations of a mile equivalency based on endurance and how steep the road is.  She threw a fit at my numbers and I finally caved in and ended the call- she still hasn’t done her pre-physical test that the President says she must do. So, We go into YOGA – I don’t know the first thing about yoga except you try to bend like a pretzel.  My sister bought 4 video series starting with the basic concepts to expert yoginis. That has worked better as a 1 hour of physical activity requirement for children and 30 minutes for adults per day. She is up to 20 minutes of trial and error but confident that she will eventually master it.

I chose a digital microscope/endoscope for my nieces to use in Science classes. I had to walk sight unseen my 9 yr old through computer installation and calibration of said microscope over the telephone. She was blown away at the 1000x strength imaging of an ordinary leaf. She could see the membranes and cellular structure within on her computer screen.  Her grandma was really excited as they tried different materials, onions, paper, pebbles, etc.  It made the headache of choosing new and modern vs traditional microscopes worthwhile and hoping I didn’t get too much overkill.

When you live on a mountain you have to take technology with a grain of salt. I ordered a cell phone through T-Mobile to use the hotspot feature for the internet- wouldn’t work. Then we went to Verizon, wouldn’t work despite the fact that the local tower is from Verizon. They can’t get a landline service either. So my sister went to Walmart (28 miles away) and bought a Straight Talk 5 Gbyte prepaid card and it worked with the Verizon tower but ran out of time after three 8 hours days of being online. So that can get expensive at $50.00 per card real quick. So our next option is the public library over 35 miles away.  My sister had to convince the librarian to allow them to bring in their laptops and remotely connect to their (hotspot) internet so they could do their assignments. They are attending Alabama Connections Academy for their online education. We’ll see how that works out as I have to interact with them over the phone; I live in Texas, they live in Alabama, to teach the assignments so they can join the weekly online webinars and stay up with the classroom teacher.

 

Farewell Dr. Puskoor Kumar

Dr. Puskoor Kumar passed away from a heart attack in March 2017. I had just visited him three days prior and he seemed just fine to me. I met Dr. Kumar in 2002 and hit it off as a patient-doctor duo. He was a gentleman, with a kindness about him, and a determination to help me with my problems.

Psychiatrist often tends to be a bit standoffish, but Kumar was the exception. He had a wife, children, and grandchildren and on occasion would say something nice about them when prompted. I didn’t go to his funeral because that is a most private family time. But I would like to say farewell now.

Dr. Kumar, you have seen me at my worst and my best and stood by me when I needed you most. You had integrity and honor and made your profession proud. You are missed by many. I know you are in Heaven because that’s the type of life you lead. I know in my heart that you are in peace and tranquility, even now as I speak.  When I get to heaven, I hope you throw up a hand in recognition and say hello occasionally.  You will be surrounded by your loved ones who chose God through Jesus Christ.

I’ll never forget your parting advice to me was to, ” get a job, write my book, or just do something positive with my life- make it count. I’ll see you in six months. Good-bye, and take care.”  It’s been six months, so I am saying Farewell, Dr. Kumar- you were the best.

#death #funeral #heaven #farewell

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/name/puskoor-kumar-obituary?pid=1000000184335080&view=guestbook&page=11

 

 

 

Conversion disorder- Pseudoseizures

What people say about nonepileptic seizures

  1. People tell you that you are acting crazy.
  2. They tell you to snap out of it
  3. They accuse you of attention-getting
  4. They tell you that you can stop the nonsense of shaking with a positive attitude.
  5. They tell you it’s all in your head and you could stop them if you really wanted to.

What is it like to have a nonepileptic seizure disorder?

 1. You may feel as though you are acting crazy or irresponsible.

2. You feel guilty, humiliated, and embarrassed all at the same time. (apologies often follow seizures to those around you)

3. You feel anxious, then hold on for the ride (shaking or intense staring)

4. You are cognitive throughout the seizure and recover quickly, although feelings of fatigue accompany the thrashing about.

5. You just want to get to the bottom of the issue and get it stopped.

6. You may feel as if there is no hope to stop the anxiety that is causing the issue.

7. you may think you don’t need talk therapy or a psychologist to help you cope.

My Story:

I had pseudoseizures from 1995-2001. My father-in-law passed away from Cancer and I couldn’t accept the suffering he went through, and I had Post-traumatic-stress-disorder from childhood memories haunting me. When my husband moved me away from the graveyard access and the cause of the childhood issues, I began to get better. I had an awesome psychiatrist who treated my symptoms until his death in March 2017.

I visited a new psychiatrist, and the first thing he did was remove the Lexapro anxiety medication from my list. He did not replace it with another medication but had me go cold turkey from it. The pseudoseizures resumed in earnest. Currently, I just finished the visual 72hr EEG. I know they didn’t find anything conclusive since I was in bed & chair rest for the 3 days while I was being videoed. I betcha they comeback with pseudoseizures as a diagnosis.

Even happy occasions can trigger the pseudoseizure. I was at my 40th wedding anniversary party, passing our gifts over to my husband and BOOM! a seizure hits fast and hard, I am embarrassed. My mom is holding my head still and praying over me. My husband and friend are holding me in the chair. Soon it is over and we pick up where we left off. I feel embarrassed by the negative attention I just received. Negative in that it was not wanted or sought out after but was administered by frightened people.

Heat, Humidity, or Activities can overtax your mind and cause stress that can lead to pseudoseizures. Just trying to get the grocery shopping done and put away can trigger an anxiety attack. Or shopping in an overheated store, or being in physical pain can be a trigger. It doesn’t have to be an unresolved past history to be a trigger. I think mine is because I do feel anxious about everyday things, like unload and reload the dishwasher or washing machine, then add a list of other chores that need to be done and BANG! another seizure hits. I believe that if the doctor would put me back on an anxiety medication the symptoms would go away again.

Three weeks later: I am on anti-anxiety and anti-seizure medication once again and I haven’t had any seizure activity. At the most, I’m stemming (compulsive repetitive action) with my hands shaking or rubbing my cheek. I know when that begins I need to calm down, usually, I’m over-focusing on some project or activity and my brain is telling me to take a rest.

The downside it cost me 20% of the $15,000.00 bill to determine I needed to go back on the same medication Dr. Reddy took me off of. What a waste of money, time, and effort on everyone’s part.